Master Sushi is teaching us where the lines are.
As a family, we learned that #puppies spend four hours per day chewing pretty much everything they reach. It's what they do, naturally. So we hid the wires, bought legal toys to chew ( that is the official term ), play with her and dived into the mad world of YouTube. And then she started nibbling at our feet. Now that is our family #boundary: we don't like to be bitten even by our super cute puppy. We tried ignoring it, but it takes patience, which we lack at this moment. We take her out of the room, the naughty dog corner. I am not sure Master Sushi get's why she is outside of our range once in a while. I read somewhere that puppies nibble each other when they play between themselves, and if they bite too hard, the other puppy cries out, and the fun stops; for a few moments. And that is how puppies learn where is the boundary. Alleluya. So now we go around shouting Ouch whenever Sushi bites us. It works.
My next thought after the eureka moment was: I should apply the same principle when it comes to #humans, too. The problem is that I tolerate pain, and I only cry out when it is too much for me. I also don't explain when boundaries have moved. I have different lines for different people and depending on the time of the month too. So yes, boundaries are flexible, and that I need to take the responsibility to express it clearly to people that I care and love, where my boundaries are, if they changed and what are my needs. Not so simple anymore.
It is still a good start to say Ouch when people cross your boundary. It gives them immediate feedback. For more in-depth advice and help on these issues, I recommend the book by Pixie Lighthorse - "Boundaries & Protection". It's an excellent #book with practical solutions for different scenarios and helps us understand human nature more broadly.
My second thought was: oh gosh how often I cross other people's boundaries. My goodness me we could be here for a long time. Anyway, I find myself saying sorry after the crossing. I need to learn the signs where the lines are, and if I don't see them, I should ask. Well, let's say it's work in progress :)
We all have boundaries, even Master Sushi. If we pick her up when she is not in the mood for that, she will nibble. Good for her. We learned how to read her body language and respect her boundary.
So if you find yourself nibbled at the edges and not sure if this is right with you, say OUCH. See what happens. Have your ears pierced for when you are crossing boundaries that are not marked clearly. Question the silence if you feel that the others are not confident in telling you where their boundaries are. Imagine, a world where we all are aware of each other's boundaries and respect them. What a wonderful world would it be!
Love, Nora