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  • Writer's pictureNora Sorensen

Focus on the essentials and relax about the superficials

I find this advice applies to every decision we make in life. And being aware of our mortality helps us discover the essentials in our lives. When it comes to event hosting or organising, it comes in handy too, especially if you have tendencies towards perfectionism, overachieving, people-pleasing or low self-confidence.

Far too often, I see people getting lost in the details of superficial stuff or making it bigger than it is. Now, what is essential for one might be superficial for others. There is no right or wrong answer and the priorities can change too, form one event to the other.

I write about this because I see the bombardment of expectations, thanks to media, that each event should be on-trend, the talk of the town has the best drinks, and the food must be out of this world; nothing less will do. All this pressure added to the complexity of dealing with all sorts of dietary requirements, and the financial burden makes it hard for some to host social gatherings to the point where they don't do it at all. And that it's a shame indeed. As a result, home parties/gatherings are declining. Of course, the pandemic, global issues, longer working hours and the myriad distractions out there don't help the situation. Also, everything online makes us feel that to have fun and connection, we need a gazillion things to buy, and the reality is that we don't.

There is a solution to all of this, and it will not require you to buy anything.

If we focus on the essential bits (connections, seeing each other, having fun, catching up, honouring, celebrating, meeting loss or grief, to name a few ) and relax about the rest (fancy food, matching napkins, the setting ) we can host many more authentic social gatherings than we are made to believe.

So I suggest spending some time before hosting and organising an event getting clear on the important bits: the reason, the desires, and hopes for this event and checking if they sound true to you before jumping into action. Visit a cemetery, if needed. Remembering that we are all going to die and each moment is precious will help with your daily decisions not just throwing a party.

And, please relax about the rest.

I know it's easier said than done.

I also spent far too much energy on the superficial bits (hoovering, cleaning the whole house, making far too much or too complicated dishes) until I got tired of it, and I didn't want to do it anymore. I noticed that if I were not careful, I would stop having social gatherings because of these superficial elements if I let my mind convince me that they matter more than the rest. I constantly need to remind myself of the things that matter to me, and I recommend you do the same.

From my heart, always, Nora

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