Letting Go is Not Easy
Everywhere you turn these days, a saying, meme, Instagram post, friends remind you to let go. It's the new fashionable mantra. I agree: life is a whole process of letting go. Yet, here I am with cried out eyes, feeling sadness, anger after realising that my body will never be the same as before. It's not about the weight; it's about the operation and the aftermath of it, or so I thought. 🌀 It started last night searching for a new outfit for my birthday party coming up in two weeks. I am throwing a party with friends and families. I will be 44, and I am itching to dance with my friends more than ever before. After everything we have been through, a party is deeply needed. Not that I need too many reasons anyway. 🌀 So while I was going through the hell hole online shopping is, I was sensing anger towards the minimal choice for clothing for middle-aged women who still are, want and feel sexy and beautiful but don't want to look like a 20-year-old as we are not and that is ok. 🌀 Then I felt sadness as my clothes don't fit me anymore. There are ten pairs of trousers waiting for a charity shop in my cupboard. Then tears came rolling. I imagined myself going into the changing rooms in a shop and seeing myself from all directions while trying on all sorts of clothes, probably too small or too big as I suspect I am between sizes. 🌀 A year ago, I was running 10km to raise money for my friends who were battling cancer, and now I am content if I can have a walk without too much pain. I am grateful as I am better than before, and eventually, the body will heal, and I will not have pain anymore. I am alive. But I still felt anger and sadness. 🌀 I stayed with the emotion while comforted by my family, and today I walked with it in Greenwich park. The penny dropped. I am in the process of letting go of not only how I looked before, but I am also letting go of my youth in a way, I am growing old, no matter the operation or not. My body is changing, and it will change even more until it will die, so maybe I realise that now more than ever before. 🌀 I am much calmer now that I know what is underneath it all. I am willing to embrace it. Here is my advice on what ever you are letting go off, if you want it.
🌀 Go gently, stay with it, have a walk with the emotion, don't push it down and observe. The penny will drop if you bring awareness to it, and then my friends, the ride will ease. Awareness is the key, as always. Always love, Nora